RT - The Paradoxical Commandments

This intervention is based on the work of Dr. Kent M. Keith - The Paradoxical Commandments. Wonderful words to try to live by, but how to talk through them to better understand the concepts? The following are questions that include words and concepts from the book "Anyway." The intervention is a work in progress - the questions will likely change with each discussion.



The Paradoxical Commandments by Dr. Kent M. Keith
(Questions generated from: “Anyway - The Paradoxical Commandments - Finding Personal Meaning in a Crazy World”)

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
• What does it mean to be illogical, unreasonable and self centered?
• Why are people illogical, unreasonable and self centered?
• Can you think of examples when you were illogical, unreasonable or self centered?
• Can you think of examples when you were unlovable?
• How do we love someone even when they act unlovable?
• What is unconditional love?
• Does unconditional love exist?
• Are some people more worthy than others?
• Does love begat love?
• What do we get by giving to others?
• Elephant story page 24

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
• What do the words “ulterior motives” mean to you? (ulterior – hidden, intentionally kept concealed, lying beyond what is evident)
• What are some examples of ulterior motives?
• What good deeds have you done that others accused you of ulterior motives?
• Why do we accuse people of ulterior motives?
• When someone accuses us of ulterior motives, why should we do good anyway?

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
• What is a “true enemy?”
• What is a “false friend?”
• Have you had friends (or family) that abandoned you when you have succeeded or changed for the better?
• What are ways people attack other people?
• What are ways to deal with people who attack you?
• What do we learn from people who attack us or other people?
• What does it mean to have vision?
• Why should we succeed anyway?

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
• What is some good you have done that has been recognized?
• Will/has the examples been forgotten?
• What is some good you have done that has not been recognized?
• Is doing good for the sake of good enough?
• What have you accomplished because of the work or efforts of others?
• What are some little things that we can do that bring a smile or lift the spirits of others? (Nice list page 50)
• Why do good even if it will be forgotten tomorrow?
[It is amazing how much can be accomplished when you don’t worry about who gets the credit.]

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
• Can someone be “too polite?”
• What do “honesty” and “trust” have to do with each other?
• What builds trust?
• Can you build trust by hiding your feelings, your thoughts, your hopes, your fears?
• What are some right and wrong times to say certain things?
• Are there some things that should never be said?
• Why aren’t people more honest and frank? (It makes you vulnerable)
• What good can come from being vulnerable? (A suit of armor protects you by containing you, you can only grow so much.)
• Do it make it the truth just because someone says it’s the truth? (elephant story)

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
• What does it mean to be a “big person?” (Generous, principled, committed and open to thinking and acting in new ways to solve problems and seize opportunities.)
• Why do we need big people?
• What is a “small person?” (Sees things in terms of his or her own power or comfort or convenience, and believes that what is best for him or her is best for the family or organization or community.)
• Why not just go along with the small people?
• Don’t big ideas generate big failures?
• What is “vision?”
• Can you think of examples of big ideas that changed the world?
• How can I think big, I’m no big shot?

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
• Why do we cheer for the underdog?
• Why, when it is our own family, our own career, or our own reputation that is at stake, we usually don’t take the risk?

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
• What lasts?
• Why build sand castles knowing the tide will take them?
• Is the joy, the meaning, the satisfaction in the building?

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
• What de we get out of helping others?
• Why don’t people ask for help, even when they obviously need it?
• What should you do if someone attacks you when you are trying to help?
• How can someone provide the wrong help or provide the help in a wrong way?
• What are the best ways to ask for help?
• What are the best ways to give help? (Support their dignity and preserve their options.)
• If you are attacked when you are trying to help another, what could be some reasons why?

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.
• What does “give it your best” mean?
• What are the costs of giving it your best?
• What are the costs of not giving it your best?
• What kind of person doesn’t give his or her best?
• Why does anybody hold back?
• Don’t we always do the best we can at the time?
• What does tact, strategy and timing have to do with doing your best?
• How do we seize opportunities or create opportunities to give our best?
• What is something you can be doing that represents your best right now?

The Paradoxical Commandments by Dr. Kent M. Keith
© Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001